Misunderstanding
by catsplosion
Summary: Cullen's insecurities complicate things. An intervention is required.
1. Chapter 1

In the days since Cullen had confessed to her some of what happened at Kinloch Hold, Adia's visits had become brief, perfunctory; no more intimate murmurs behind his desk, no more kisses in the bright sunlight on the battlements.

It came as no surprise. She clearly felt uncomfortable around him. He wanted to tell her that she didn't have to come, that she could send a messenger, that he didn't blame her...but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Selfish as it was, painful as it was, he still wanted to see her, to hear her voice.

She would be leaving soon, he knew, for Emprise du Lion. It was not a long journey, but the situation in the Emprise was such that she'd be gone a while. He wondered if she'd even say goodbye first.

Papers rustled behind him, startling him away from the window.

Cole stood near the desk.

"Maker! Cole, what are you -"

"She sees inside now, the jagged, broken bits, shards of darkness, the cold, whispering pain of dreams that never go away, not even in the sunlight. She's afraid."

Cullen's shoulders sagged. "She should be," he said raggedly, some part of him relieved to know that she would keep her distance, that he wouldn't ruin her as he had ruined so much.

The feather-light grip of Cole's hand on his arm startled him again.

"She's afraid you won't let her in. She wants it all, the light and the shadows both. A hurt that magic can't heal, but she has something else. If only you'd look at her again."

Cullen sat on the edge of his desk. "I...thank you, Cole."

But the boy was already gone.

In the morning, he went to the dining hall. There was always a big breakfast before an excursion; Cullen never went, but he knew. He stood awkwardly in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, scanning the room.

"You just missed her, Curly. Unless you want to pretend you're not here looking for Her Inquisitorialness."

Cullen glared at Varric, but his ears turned pink.

"She went to her quarters to suit up."

"Thank you, Varric," he said stiffly, ducking out the door.

The Inquisitor's quarters were located at the top of Skyhold's highest tower, and by the time he reached her door, he was nearly out of breath. Rapping loudly on the door before letting himself in, he took a deep breath and called her name.

Her head poked over the railing above him, her chestnut hair falling around her face. "Cullen?"

"I, uh…" He looked up at her, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Come on up," she urged, coming around to meet him at the top of the stairs. She was dressed in her under-armour and vest, her scarf and coat draped over the arm of her small sofa.

"I wasn't -" he began, and sighed. "I wanted to see you. Before you left." When she stepped close, he reached for her, and when she slipped easily into his embrace it felt like coming home.

"You would have," she assured him, smiling, "but I'm glad you came."

Cupping her face in one hand, he kissed her. Without his armor between them she was warm and soft and he pulled her even closer. The heat of her hands through his thin cotton shirt seared his breath away, and when his fingers tightened in her hair she sighed softly into his mouth.

They were interrupted by a booming voice from below. "Hey boss, you coming?"

Adia groaned and pulled away. "Be right down, Bull." She turned back to Cullen, her cheeks flushed, and sighed. "No rest for the wicked?"

Maker, but she was beautiful. He laughed and pressed his forehead to hers. "So they say." Reluctantly, he released her. "May I walk with you?"

She smiled and nodded as she finished dressing. "I hear it's very cold in the Emprise," she sighed, wrapping a wide silk scarf around her neck. "I'll hit the bastards twice as hard for dragging me out in the snow."

Grinning as she took his arm, Cullen escorted her down the stairs.

"You'll have to visit me again, since I know you know the way," she teased.

"I don't know. It's an awful lot of stairs."

Laughing, she kissed him again.

There was much to say, but not now. "Come see me? When you return, I mean?"

She stroked his cheek with one delicate hand. "Always."


	2. Surprise

Cullen bolted upright in bed, gasping. Sweat cooled on his skin as he curled his fists into the blanket, struggling to slow his breaths. With a frustrated grunt, he threw back the covers and got up. Sleep didn't seem like much of an option anymore.

He dressed and went out onto the battlements. The moon shone high overhead, and Skyhold was quiet. It would be a long night.

As he walked, his eyes drifted up to the dark windows of the Inquisitor's tower. Adia would be home soon, he thought... though not soon enough. He missed the warmth of her skin, the smell of her hair, the light inside her that somehow kept the worst of the nightmares away.

He stopped and glanced up at her window again.

"Don't be absurd," he muttered to himself. But he was already making his way down the stairs to the courtyard.

If anyone had stopped him, questioned him, he would have lost his nerve or come to his senses. But no one did, and there he was. Alone in her room.

"It's not too late," he said, but he was already crawling onto the bed. Lying atop the blanket, he uncovered her pillow and pressed his face against it.

It smelled of her, just as he knew it would, and he breathed deep her soft, earthy scent. It soothed him as nothing else could.

She came to him in a dream, whispering his name, her hand cool on his brow. He covered her hand with his and she spoke his name again.

His eyes snapped open and he realized she was no dream.

"Adia!" He scrambled upright, his cheeks burning. "Maker, forgive me, I -"

"Cullen! Shh." She leaned down and cupped his chin. "Just kiss me."

He obliged, trembling and breathless with nerves.

When they parted, she gave him a smile. "You stay put. I'll be right back."

"You're - you're not upset?"

"Don't be silly," she said warmly. Silhouetted by the bright moonlight, she stripped off her clothes and laid them over the arm of her small sofa. Cullen could see the weariness in her limbs.

_I do not deserve this, _he thought.

"I've missed you," she continued. "I'm glad I don't have to wait until morning to see you." Clad only in her smallclothes, she returned to his side, took his hand.

Wrapping his arms tightly around her, he pressed his face to her belly. "I've missed you," he murmured against her warm skin.

She ran her fingers through his golden curls. "You're overdressed," she said gently, reaching down to tug on his shirt.

Reluctantly releasing her, he obediently undressed as she climbed into bed. He joined her under the covers, sighing as she took him in her arms.

"Forgive me," he said, resting his forehead against her neck. "You have burdens enough without -"

"Cullen, don't," she chided, brushing her finger over his shoulder, down his arm. "You don't burden me."

He sighed, his fingertips tracing her collarbone, her ribs, her hip. "How was -"

"Shh." She turned his face toward hers. "No work. Not tonight."

He started to apologize, but she silenced him with a kiss. He didn't protest.


	3. Souvenir

I don't update this - or anything else - like I should, but it was important to me to do something for Cullen Positivity Week. I hope you enjoy it.

"Commander, this came for you."

Cullen didn't turn, or look up from Leliana's latest report, but behind him he could feel the messenger lingering at his desk. "Just leave it, thanks."

"I-it's from the Free Marches, ser."

He stiffened and lifted his head, but didn't look. "As I said."

At his curt tone, the messenger left. Only when he heard the door close did Cullen finally turn away from the window.

The paper-wrapped package sat on his desk. He reached for it, then pulled his hand away. How could something so small intimidate him so? Ridiculous.

He snatched it up, slowly untied the twine around it -

The door swung open, and Cullen scrambled to stuff the parcel into an open drawer.

"Is this a bad time, ser?"

"Not at all, soldier." He slammed the drawer shut.

Later that night, he joined Adia for dinner in Skyhold's garden.

"Cullen." She rested a gentle hand on his leg. "Is something the matter? You seem distracted." One corner of her mouth twitched. "Moreso than usual, I mean."

Smiling, he covered her hand with his. "I'm fine." His smile faded as he grazed her knuckles with his thumb. "Forgive me. I should be more...attentive."

"Oh, Cullen," she sighed, taking his hand. "You're too hard on yourself."

His eyes followed the strands of hair that drifted across her face in the breeze. "It's difficult to..." He shook his head. "I want to show you that I care for you."

She leaned over and gave him a lingering kiss. "On that account, you needn't worry."

Unmindful of their audience - and they always seemed to have one - he reached up and brushed her hair back from her face. He smiled, but the crease between his brows remained.

He let the package sit in that drawer for three days before he even opened it. When he did, he held the contents in the palm of his hand, turning it over with his thumb. The small wooden heart with the letter A carved neatly on one side seemed impossibly heavy. He let it dangle from its leather cord, swinging to and fro.

Taking a deep breath, he re-wrapped it, then put it back in the drawer. This was absurd, and yet...

"She worries."

Cullen nearly jumped out of his skin. "For pity's sake, Cole!"

"I'm sorry!" Cole waved his hands frantically. "I thought -"

Cullen held up a hand to placate him. "No, it's alright. I'm...glad you're here." He retrieved the necklace from his desk and held it out. "Do you - do you know what this is?"

Cole stroked the charm with one long finger; Cullen had to resist the urge to pull away from him. The boy meant well, that was for certain, and Cullen was grateful for his help, but still.

"I do know this. It's hers, long lost, memories that should hurt, and some do, but it used to help, too."

"If I give this to her," he closed his fist around it, "will it please her, or…?"

The boy blinked at him. "I can't see the future, Commander."

Cullen made a small sound of disgust, though which of them it was directed at, he couldn't be sure. "Thank you, Cole," he said absently. Of course, the boy was already gone.

He could stall no longer. Cole could very well mention the necklace to Adia and that would make matters worse. He tucked it into his pocket and set off to look for her.

He found her in her quarters, buried behind a pile of paperwork. "You're busy."

Smiling, she stretched. "I need the break. Is something wrong, or -"

"I have something for you," he said, retrieving the necklace. Unsure of what to say, he held it out to her.

The smile slipped from her face as she turned it over in her hand. "This is...is this…?" She looked up at him, eyes wide.

He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "You had said that...I have contacts in Ostwick, some of the templars lent their aid in Kirkwall." He focused intently on the toe of his boot. "I wrote to them. I thought it worth a try, at least."

When she spoke, he could hardly hear her. "I thought it was lost. Forever. The only thing I missed."

He finally looked up at her. She stood, head down, caressing the small woodcarving with timid fingertips.

He imagined her as she would have been back then - a frightened little girl, forsaken by her parents, locked away in a strange place. Her sister had sent the necklace to her at the Circle, Adia had told him, a sign that she still had a family that loved her.

He took a shaky breath. "Perhaps I -"

Adia threw her arms around him, pressing her tear-stained face to his chest. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for this, Cullen."

He held her close and breathed a sigh into her hair, finally smiling again.


End file.
